DARREN HAYES "THE TENSION AND THE SPARK"
 TRACK BY TRACK 

 

DARKNESS 

Much of this new album began, quite literally, as an accident.
I remember telling myself that I was not writing, that I was
not in a creative head-space, because in some ways I knew
deep down that the subject matter for my next project was
going to come from a darker and much more personal space.
And I was avoiding that. So around the same time that I was 
making excuses about not writing, my friends were staying in
my house in San Francisco. Robert Conley my friend, engineer
and keyboard player was working on tracks for his electronic
project, 'Specificus', in the guest room every day. Whenever
I passed by the room I'd hear what he was working on and find
myself humming along. This track, I believe, was the first 
time we collaborated and I swear at the time I was just 
casually singing along to the track. I had no idea it would result 
in us writing together, forging a creative relationship or that
this would become the signature sound of this album and the
first track. 

Looking back now it makes so much sense. I was kind of lulled
into a sense of security because in my mind I wasn't working
on a Darren Hayes record. It was something else. It allowed
me to free up the subconscious.. to talk very honestly without
thinking of the consequences and to leave the concept 
of direction up in the air. It's the introduction to the subject 
matter that is the central theme of the album.. here I am in 
Darkness.. at Zero, at my lowest point and yet still I'm 
searching for hope in the darkness. My favourite lyric ever is
in this song... ' It's hard to take control when your enemy's 
old and afraid of you..You discover that the monster 
you've been running from is the monster in you... 

I LIKE THE WAY 

I think this song was the last one finished for the album. Mostly 
because I adopted a policy of never recording my vocal until I
was sure that lyrically I was certain of what I was saying and 
why. Robert and I worked a lot on the track, and the sounds.. but 
lyrically I wanted to make sure it was as heavy and textured in 
detail as it sounded. It's really a song about sexuality. It's about
being aware of the physical aspect of attraction as opposed to the
spiritual connection of love.. and yet still being a slave to desire.
In terms of my views on spirituality and eastern philosophy I 
am fascinated by the concept of stages of evolution of the ego
and the soul. I guess I firmly believe that lust and desire, although 
a huge part of the process of attraction, are embryonic or
adolescent stages of love. I know that ultimately the ego 
craves the physical aspect but the soul wants more. And even
though I like to think of myself as a pretty evolved person, I am
still at war with these two opposing energies. Then on a deeper
level, I guess there's a whole lot of religious and moral guilt I'm
addressing and how it relates to my psyche. Probably the second
most Freudian song on the album. 

LIGHT 

Around about the time I felt my world was slipping away, and there 
was all of this metaphorical death in my life.. of relationships.. of 
romance... of ego.. of esteem.. my best friend fell pregnant. And as
simple as it sounds... her baby represented re-birth.. and new
beginnings. In the midst of my sadness there was this joy. I 
think this song also represents the beginning of my healing 
process... of forgiving my pain, of letting go.. of love sneaking up
on me.. happiness creeping in as opposed to announcing itself with
a loud bang at the front door. From something ordinary it's so
extraordinary. I love this song. 

POP!ULAR 

I'm so proud of the sound of this song. Robert had played me a five 
second riff from a piece of music he had written a while back. It was
just one keyboard hook and I was obsessed with it. We wrote a 
whole track based around that vibe and created the craziest and
most schizophrenic programming. There was so much editing and 
processing of the drums. It was laborious but such a challenge. 
Lyrically it's me addressing the fact that I've made the most
personal album of  my career in the most fickle climate. We are
obsessed with fame..it has become a vocation we now train for 
and people are literally willing to do anything to get it. At the 
same time I was feeling completely bored with my persona and
the corner of musical direction I'd painted myself into. I was 
bored with pop music, bored with the radio.. and really wrote 
this song as a way of poking fun at myself and the conveyor 
belt that brought me to this point in my career. It's ironic 
because in the song I'm proclaiming all the things I am not. 
And yet it rings true because I'm sure deep down there was 
and some days still is a part of me that is tempted by the 
devil that is fame. Spike pulled out all the stops sonically and
musically with this one and took it as a challenge to make it 
the signature cut on the record. Im so proud of everyone who
worked on this song with us.  It's so infectious and fun but
dark and sarcastic at the same time. 

DUBLIN SKY 

First song I ever wrote on my own. Sat down with a guitar in Dublin 
one day and howled deep from my heart about my woes. It's entirely 
literal. I was at a crossroads and sensing the end of a relationship
that I didn't want to let go of. I put the song on the shelf for a while
and I guess like some self fulfilling prophecy, a year later the 
relationship I was in ended abruptly and the song became the 
first reflection of the experience. Going back to Dublin one night, 
the experience came full circle and I was able to finish the song from 
the two perspectives.... the first as some kind of premonition and 
the second from the point of view of the aftermath. Both experiences
in Dublin had been brought together in one song. It's a song about
loss, and regret.. of sentiment and all the things we should have done. 

HERO 

Although this song probably sounds like I'm talking about falling from 
grace as a celebrity - I'm actually not. Well not entirely. It's a 
song about pedestals and falling off them. Around the time of my last 
tour I remember being really disappointed in a friend of mine. At the
same time I felt like the whole world was judging me.  I came to
realize how unfair it was of me to expect such perfection from 
those I loved - that it gave them no where to go but down in my 
opinion of them. And it made me realize just how much of a con
the whole hero thing was. The role of idol.. the fact that we iconize 
each other as a society. we choose one to be put on a platform to
which we all aspire to. But no one tells you the job is designed to 
disintegrate - that the role of hero is intrinsically designed to 
self destruct. Having fallen on my own ass publicly with my last 
record I remember the sting of aspiring to be what other people
wanted for me. Feeling their disappointment, I realized when I 
wrote this song that I was never going to apply for that job 
again. And at how much more wonderful the view was from 
the gutter. 

UNLOVABLE 

My favourite song on the record. It's essentially an unsent letter 
that  became a song. At the end of a relationship I was feeling
all of the things you feel when love is denied. I felt abandoned
I guess.  I wrote a poem where essentially I said 'My Father 
never loved me. I know it's not true. But that's how you made
me feel. You made me feel like my father never loved me'. Now
I sent neither the letter or the poem to my lover. I kept them
hidden until one day during recording my manager spoke of how
revealing and personal my new album was shaping up to be. 
She explained how proud she was of my bravery, but that she felt 
there may still be something I had yet to say. Five minutes later
Robert and I went into the studio downstairs while the managers
were upstairs drinking wine, and came up with this song.  It's 
so immediate and so raw. The first time I sang it is what you
hear on the record. It almost made me cry and you can pick up
on that I think.  One of my favourite lyrics ever are the first 
few lines. Because... denial , anger , bargaining and 
depression are the first four stages of grief.  Acceptance being
the final one. And in this song I guess I experience all five of
them. I'm glad I never sent the letter but I'm happy the 
experience gave me this song. What I learned from this is 
that the anger and emptiness that I felt as a child and in relating
to my parents was something I had been carrying with me into
my relationships.This song was the moment I realized that had 
to change for good. 

I FORGIVE YOU 

One of a few songs I wrote and produced with Marius De Vries.
I was such a huge fan of his work in the past with Bjork and
Madonna's Ray of Light record. But years ago when we first 
met I found him terrifying! He represented the potential for 
massive change in musical direction and although that 
excited me - four years ago I wasn't ready. Years later I 
approached him to work with me on this album and this 
song was the first thing we wrote together. It represents the
real book end of everything I had to say from this whole 
experience of being completely honest on an album, from an 
autobiographical point of view. I had gone from accusation 
to taking responsibility to finally letting go.  This song was
possibly the most traditional structure on the record and 
Spike really messed with it in production to make it fit more
with where the rest of the record was heading. I love the
effects on the vocals and how messed up the guitar became.
It almost sounds like white noise but I swear it's a fender. 

VOID 

This song was so immediate. I wrote it on piano and initially
it was a simple piano ballad. Robert and I pulled the tool box
of sounds out and replaced piano with distorted guitar and 
drum sounds from hell and the result is what you hear today.
I was learning the lyrics as I sang it...hence the fact that the
chorus lyrics change each time I sing it. It was meant to be
the demo but became the final vocal just because of how 
earnest the delivery was. The album originally opened up
with this song in early sequences but we found it disturbed too 
many people so we had to move it further down the track list 
to ease people into the direction change. I love the lyric  'just
like a spinal chord severed and broken, but the spark still 
tries' 

FEEL 

I have always been fascinated with the simplicity of John Lennon's 
love songs to Yoko Ono. In some ways this song is fashioned after
that almost haiku like simplicity. None of the sentences are finished
in a grammatical sense, but in a musical sense. So there is always
a double entendre. Until a verse ends the sentence has one meaning 
but then gets clarified or becomes more complicated depending
as the song carries on. For example, when I say 'you teach me
how to love..'  that is a complete statement.. until I say 'parts of 
myself..I hated for so long'..So I'm using the song as a metaphor
for love. And not romantic love.  Love for the self, for spirit, for God.
It represent to me the first time ever on an album that I don't have
this idealistic or unrealistic view of romantic love as this thing
that is going to complete me or save me. This song demonstrates
a desire to understand that real love comes from within. From 
a production point of view, this one is all about minimalism. We 
were definitely inspired by Matmos - the microbeat extraordinares
from San Francisco. 

LOVE AND ATTRACTION 

What can I say about this song? Electro inspired. All about having to 
laugh at the stupidity of courtship and how everyone I ever want is 
unavailable and how everyone who really wants me isn't even on my 
radar.  Cupid's cruel joke on us all. 

EGO 

The one true reference to the ego of a pop-star, killed off and laid 
out for all to see.  Tying in with the song Hero, this revisits, in a 
more freudian sense, the concept of falling from grace and how
the ego thrashes to survive.  From a spiritual point of view, I
understand how this little monster can unnecessarily complicate
your life, and yet realistically it's like a petulant child you love to
hate and hate to love.  Ego.  And letting go of it. Or perhaps just 
admitting that I have no desire to do so. 
 

SENSE OF HUMOR 

I quite like songs of self deprecation. This song is, I guess, about 
longing to be understood when you feel misunderstood. When you 
glance at someone from across a room and you feel dismissed. 
That moment of  fantasy when you play out the conversation that
could have been... when you imagine them laughing at all your 
jokes and really 'getting you'..It's really quite a dark and brooding
moment. I guess the precipice from which became the starting
point for this album. The freefall from grace and all that taught 
me about myself began with this one self deprecating moment. 

INTERNATIONAL BONUS TRACK 

BOY 
Once again, working with Marius De Vries, here I am for the first time 
abandoning song structure and just free associating. This was just a 
tiny piece of music that I heard Marius play.. and it reminded me of a 
conveyor belt of life. I imagined a tiny robot boy being built and the 
machines and computers telling him all the things I was told as a
child. All the good and all the bad. All the cliches of what 
masculinity is supposed to be. The fascinating thing about this 
track to me is that there are three simultaneous dialogues going
on and I recorded each one just once. When it played back the
first time it was so crazy because we didn't know what we'd have.
I love this piece.. I can't even call it a song.. it's incredibly 
courageous and a stroke of genius from Marius. It's disturbing
and yet beautiful at the same time. 

[ Back HOME]